I never thought that at the young age of 33 years old, I’d be caught up in a friendship that reminds me of my high school years.
I belong to a WhatsApp group, which they call themselves some sort of a “friendship gang”. But I am also friends with a person who has bad blood with this gang. Let’s call her “A”.
One day, I decided to go with the other circle which included “A”. On the same day, this gang of mine supposedly went to a fancy cafe while waiting for our children to finish their school activity (manasik haji).
I wasn’t interested in visiting this fancy cafe, and I had a prior plan to do karaoke with A and her other friends — which ended up hanging out and catching up at a cafe near the school. So I never say yes or no to the plan of visiting the fancy cafe. And I don’t think I need to report that I had a prior engagement with “A” because they hate her anyway.
Unfortunately, the bus which was supposed to take the kids to their activities was super late due to traffic jams. So, the parents took over and took the kids in their cars. Some of these parents are the “gang members”. Hence, they can’t go to the fancy cafe as planned. Quite unfortunate, but it’s very sudden, and I’m very thankful for all the parents who helped. Had I been there, I would came along, or hired an online taxi to take Aiza and her friends with me.
However, since the morning is quite hectic I decided to let Aiza went to school with her dad instead, while I went straight to my meeting points. That’s why I wasn’t at school and I could still proceed with my initial plan.
I thought every thing would be fine, and it’s not the first time I went with “A” and our other friends. Yet, the next day, I found some annoying text in the WhatsApp group, which roughly translate as…
“The group is very quiet today…
Busy hanging out at a cafe yaa??
*sigh* We were so tired of taking our kids to Mekkah.
We were supposed to go to Holy Wings, but instead, we had to take the kids to the holy land.
Hopefully, we can go to the real holy land. ”
I instantly knew that the text was directed at me because no one else in the group went to a cafe.
My first thought was, “What was this all about? Was she jealous? If she hated it that much why didn’t she say it directly?”
But what truly shocked me was the others’ responses. Some were just responding with “amen”, but the other said something like, “We will never leave you behind, we’re in this together, good times or bad times.”
Wow, I never knew I had to pledge blind loyalty to a friendship. If she can’t go hang out, then no one else can. Was that what they meant? I really had no idea.
I mean, what were their expectations from this? Because it certainly did not feel like they were trying to open up a conversation. I was trying to be in her shoes and approach this with curiosity, and so I had so many questions regarding her actions:
- Did she say it to express her anger towards me and/or the situation?
- Did she say it as a joke? If it’s a joke, is she trying to laugh with me or laughing at me? Because it’s not funny at all. And if I’m angry, would they call me being too sensitive?
- Was this a form of guilt tripping and she expected me to apologize for going with my other circle?
- Was it because she wanted to express her frustration and dislike by hurting my feelings?
- Was she trying to make me open up and talk about the situation, was she expecting an explanation?
I really cannot fathom their true intention and expectations of me other than trying to roast me and guilt trip me for going with another circle whom they dislike. I mean, I never thought that I needed to be “loyal” to be part of them, and what concept of “loyalty in friendship” they expected of me, anyway?
I don’t understand.
Do I have to pledge full loyalty to them and hate on people they hate even though I have no problem with them?
Do I have to hang out with them all the time?
Do I have to refrain from hanging out and having fun, if all the members cannot go having fun?
Does breaking these “rules” mean I deserve to be punished, guilt-tripped, and outcasted?
It’s a wake-up call to not associate myself closely with such people.
I didn’t say anything to respond to them, because it feels like starting a meaningless battle instead of a healthy conversation. And it will be like I’m starting a battle against a system instead of a person.
Well, as much as I tried not to be affected, I must admit I’m affected. Because I had never encountered anything like this in the history of my close friendship. It’s so foreign to me.
So I try to gain my inner peace by reminding myself:
Whatever they say, it says more about themselves and their character than about me. Whatever they think about me it’s only their own projection of me, it doesn’t define me in any way.
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Featured Image: Photo by Andrew Moca on Unsplash
